What Stoners Think About When They're Getting Stoned
I was going buy one 20
but even da Mountain View guys stay selling um by da eights
nobody get small bags anymoa
das da kine, economic inflation
due to too much legal risks in da mahket.
Stupid ass war on drugs.
Why dey no boddah da crack heads, or da pill freaks
C'mon uncle Harry
rehabilitation if anyting
cuz eradication only going piss people off.
So anyways, I wen drive all da way Mountain View
buy one eight ounce shetty weed and one goat
all fo' hunred bucks. Not bad.
My granmaddah, 79 yeas ol'
an she's still weed whacking da yahd
I tol' her she bettah go easy
wit' her high blood presha
but she no like listen.
She complain Tutu Man no help her do nottin'
around da house, cuz she get brown skin.
She tell if she had white skin he would listen
but he Japani- tink he too good fo' do house work
she tell, yeah Japani fo' nothin'
he no mo monay.
Pua Tutu Man.
He no can do da kine heavy yahd work any moa
cuz he get prostate problems
he going shit his pants!
Sometimes he no can even make 'um to da batroom
den Tutu Lady make him scrub da rug,
So I wen spen half my paycheck on dat damn goat
put 'um in da yahd
only fo' Tutu Lady scream at me
Who going clean up the goat shit
but eh, at leas' dey no need cut grass.
I bought da weed fo' me an Marie.
Marie's las' name use to be 'Imaikalani
but she got married aftah graduation
anden she wen change 'um to Wise.
Me and Marie get stoned at Four Miles Wall evry day.
Marie cannot not be stoned.
She gotta tune out da world,
tune out da law,
tune out time,
tune out da monay she no moa,
tune out da genitals she was grabbing da night befoa
tune out da oddah braddah dat she was trying fo' tune out da oddah day
tune out da guys dat tink dey the shit—
big for nothin' faggots, gotta false girls
fohce hersewf fo' smoke some moa
training fo' scrap her husband when she go home
‘cuz she was stoning out at da wall wit' me
Fohget it. Fohget tuning out da world
fohget getting fucked up
fohget getting married
fohget graduating high sku
fohget what we neva learn in high sku
Fohget da tings we do fo' forget
Stoners fohget evryting.
I fohgot fo' feed my granmaddah's goat
den I wen remembah dat I fohgot dat da goat going eat da grass—
Oh, so das why da ting was outside
cruising in da pouring rain.
I was going put 'um in da dog kennoh
but den Tutu Man wen whack my head
from da tree wit da mango pickah—Ho,
watch out Tutu Man, no shit your pants!
He tell, eh you stupid! Jus' geeve ‘um wada
go put 'um in da grass!
You like da dogs eat goat fo' dinnah
hah Yuki, you like eat goat tonight?!
Hah, hah, heh, heh, hegh, cough, cough …
Cough, cough, cuuuaaaah…
Ho brrraah, dis weed is harsh, I stay tearing an all
huh-uuh … Eh try make one crutch Marie
right dea can use my boss' business cahd— Eh fuck you!
You wish you had one job at Wal-Mart
Bitch, nex time buy yoah own damn weed—
Eh, iz not my fault you married to one broke ass haole
half rich, half pua, no can pay rent, no can qualify fo' couny housing.
Shit, mo bettah marry one half Hawaiian
at leas' dey put chu on da waiting lis'!